Photo of The Focus Doc, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
The Focus Doc
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Temecula, CA 92590
Dr. Dave Auluck, M.D. is a 3rd generation physician, 2nd generation psychiatrist, and physician educator. He is passionate about improving the mental health treatment experience. His mission is to ensure personalized, industry-leading, preeminent care is accessible and affordable. He has worked with thousands of patients over the years and overseen program development for tens of thousands of others. He truly understands there is no "one size fits all" approach.
Dr. Dave Auluck, M.D. is a 3rd generation physician, 2nd generation psychiatrist, and physician educator. He is passionate about improving the mental health treatment experience. His mission is to ensure personalized, industry-leading, preeminent care is accessible and affordable. He has worked with thousands of patients over the years and overseen program development for tens of thousands of others. He truly understands there is no "one size fits all" approach.
(951) 223-7096 View (951) 223-7096

More Psychiatrists Nearby

Photo of Fady Boules, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Fady Boules
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, PMHNP
Verified Verified
Murrieta, CA 92562
I have built my practice over the years on the “3 Cs”, Compassionate, Conservative and Collaborative Care. I strive to deliver compassionate care to ensure that my patients feel and know that they are heard. I always practice conservatively to ensure the patient is comfortable, safe and to avoid creating any substance dependency. Lastly, I believe in collaborating with my patient to ensure that they are participating in their own treatment plan. ****Please Note, We do not check emails on this website. Please refrain from emailing us, and call the office on the provided number to ensure being seen in a timely manner. Thank you.
I have built my practice over the years on the “3 Cs”, Compassionate, Conservative and Collaborative Care. I strive to deliver compassionate care to ensure that my patients feel and know that they are heard. I always practice conservatively to ensure the patient is comfortable, safe and to avoid creating any substance dependency. Lastly, I believe in collaborating with my patient to ensure that they are participating in their own treatment plan. ****Please Note, We do not check emails on this website. Please refrain from emailing us, and call the office on the provided number to ensure being seen in a timely manner. Thank you.
(951) 338-8493 View (951) 338-8493

Online Psychiatrists

Photo of Van Dyke DeGolia, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Van Dyke DeGolia
Psychiatrist, MD, FABP
Verified Verified
Los Angeles, CA 90049
I am a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst with an interest in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Relational Psychoanalysis, psychiatric diagnosis, and the impact of anxiety on self-esteem, relational issues, and overall well-being of children, adolescents, and adults. In addition, I have extensive experience treating and supervising others who treate people suffering from narcissism, trauma, dissociation, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I primarily offer weekly to more intensive psychoanalytic treatment. I mostly prescribe medications to help patients feel good enough to engage more fully in their lives and psychotherapy.
I am a psychiatrist/psychoanalyst with an interest in psychoanalytic psychotherapy, Relational Psychoanalysis, psychiatric diagnosis, and the impact of anxiety on self-esteem, relational issues, and overall well-being of children, adolescents, and adults. In addition, I have extensive experience treating and supervising others who treate people suffering from narcissism, trauma, dissociation, and Borderline Personality Disorder. I primarily offer weekly to more intensive psychoanalytic treatment. I mostly prescribe medications to help patients feel good enough to engage more fully in their lives and psychotherapy.
(424) 360-2431 View (424) 360-2431
Photo of Kyle P. Smith, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Kyle P. Smith
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
Los Angeles, CA 90027
Dr. Kyle P. Smith is a Harvard-educated, Cornell-educated, UCLA-trained psychiatrist in Los Angeles. He has an office in Los Feliz. He is a specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of depression, anxiety, addiction, PTSD, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). He also offers ketamine therapy for several conditions.
Dr. Kyle P. Smith is a Harvard-educated, Cornell-educated, UCLA-trained psychiatrist in Los Angeles. He has an office in Los Feliz. He is a specialist in the diagnosis and treatment of depression, anxiety, addiction, PTSD, ADHD, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder (BPD). He also offers ketamine therapy for several conditions.
(323) 673-3759 View (323) 673-3759
Photo of Patrick Kelly, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Patrick Kelly
Psychiatrist, MD, FAPA, DFAACAP
Verified Verified
Beverly Hills, CA 90210
In addition, he co-authored 2 books about specific topics: "Borderline Personality Disorder, New Reasons for Hope" and "Adolescent Depression, A Guide for Families", for which he has been features on the SiriusXM Doctor's Show and on the "ShrinkRap" podcast.
Dr. Kelly is a Board Certified General Psychiatrist, Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist and Psychopharmacologist. After completing his training at the Johns Hopkins Hospital and directing their Residency Training Program, he moved back to Los Angeles and is currently a professor with UCLA. Due to high demand for his individualized services, he now also sees outpatients in two locations, Manhattan Beach and Beverly Hills. Dr. Kelly has multiple areas of focus in which he may be of particular help.
In addition, he co-authored 2 books about specific topics: "Borderline Personality Disorder, New Reasons for Hope" and "Adolescent Depression, A Guide for Families", for which he has been features on the SiriusXM Doctor's Show and on the "ShrinkRap" podcast.
Dr. Kelly is a Board Certified General Psychiatrist, Child & Adolescent Psychiatrist and Psychopharmacologist. After completing his training at the Johns Hopkins Hospital and directing their Residency Training Program, he moved back to Los Angeles and is currently a professor with UCLA. Due to high demand for his individualized services, he now also sees outpatients in two locations, Manhattan Beach and Beverly Hills. Dr. Kelly has multiple areas of focus in which he may be of particular help.
(310) 742-1903 View (310) 742-1903
Photo of Aeonic Medicine, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Aeonic Medicine
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
Calabasas, CA 91302  (Online Only)
I am a Board Certified Psychiatrist with an interest in holistic health, spiritual problems, trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, sexual or relationship problems as well as psychological problems underlying or associated with Chronic Disease.
In my experience as a physician and psychiatrist all diseases, whether mental or physical, are a product of ancestral or generational trauma, which we have to resolve in this life. The symptoms and signs of disease tend to be entangled with our Unconscious Mind. We often times end up doing things, we are not aware of as a unresolved coping mechanism of trauma, like our family has done for ages. I am looking for clients who wish to address the deeper psychological conflicts that underlie their disease and who are ready to transform and let go of the past.
I am a Board Certified Psychiatrist with an interest in holistic health, spiritual problems, trauma, Borderline Personality Disorder, sexual or relationship problems as well as psychological problems underlying or associated with Chronic Disease.
In my experience as a physician and psychiatrist all diseases, whether mental or physical, are a product of ancestral or generational trauma, which we have to resolve in this life. The symptoms and signs of disease tend to be entangled with our Unconscious Mind. We often times end up doing things, we are not aware of as a unresolved coping mechanism of trauma, like our family has done for ages. I am looking for clients who wish to address the deeper psychological conflicts that underlie their disease and who are ready to transform and let go of the past.
(786) 724-0143 View (786) 724-0143
Photo of Chapters Family Treatment Center | Iman Parhami MD, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Chapters Family Treatment Center | Iman Parhami MD
Psychiatrist, MD, MPH
Verified Verified
2 Endorsed
Woodland Hills, CA 91367
Dr. Iman Parhami is a triple-board certified psychiatrist (Child Psychiatry, Adult Psychiatry, and Addiction Medicine) who completed his child and adolescent psychiatry training at Johns Hopkins University. He strongly believes that diagnoses do not define individuals. Instead, diagnoses can help classify a set of symptoms and can help identify empirically supported treatments for that class of symptoms. He also believes that psychiatric treatments cannot just include psychopharmacology but must include a multi-disciplinary approach that is family-driven and culturally sensitive.
Dr. Iman Parhami is a triple-board certified psychiatrist (Child Psychiatry, Adult Psychiatry, and Addiction Medicine) who completed his child and adolescent psychiatry training at Johns Hopkins University. He strongly believes that diagnoses do not define individuals. Instead, diagnoses can help classify a set of symptoms and can help identify empirically supported treatments for that class of symptoms. He also believes that psychiatric treatments cannot just include psychopharmacology but must include a multi-disciplinary approach that is family-driven and culturally sensitive.
(818) 962-6338 View (818) 962-6338
Photo of Hadi Estakhri, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Hadi Estakhri
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
Mission Viejo, CA 92691
Hadi Estakhri, MD — or Dr. E as his patients know him — is a double board-certified, Harvard-trained psychiatrist practicing at Allied Psychiatry and Mental Health in Newport Beach, California. He offers customized, patient-focused treatments to address the unique needs and circumstances of each patient. With more than two decades of professional experience, he has vast proficiency in the mental health field. His expertise is in treating a wide range of psychiatric and addictive disorders in both adult and adolescents.
Hadi Estakhri, MD — or Dr. E as his patients know him — is a double board-certified, Harvard-trained psychiatrist practicing at Allied Psychiatry and Mental Health in Newport Beach, California. He offers customized, patient-focused treatments to address the unique needs and circumstances of each patient. With more than two decades of professional experience, he has vast proficiency in the mental health field. His expertise is in treating a wide range of psychiatric and addictive disorders in both adult and adolescents.
(949) 401-7487 View (949) 401-7487
Photo of Complete Health Clinic, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Complete Health Clinic
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, PhD, FNP-C, PMHNPBC
Verified Verified
Los Angeles, CA 90071  (Online Only)
Complete Health clinics mission is to provide excellent Medical and Psychiatric care to patients and family. Our goal is to provide quality care to ​multiple communities and States. We offer onsite and telepsychiatry options to fit your needs. We are a multispecialty clinic that acts as a one stop point so that you can reserve time and energy for other important things that matters. We are committed to continuously educating ourselves and incorporating the best of technology to provide excellent care to our patients.
Complete Health clinics mission is to provide excellent Medical and Psychiatric care to patients and family. Our goal is to provide quality care to ​multiple communities and States. We offer onsite and telepsychiatry options to fit your needs. We are a multispecialty clinic that acts as a one stop point so that you can reserve time and energy for other important things that matters. We are committed to continuously educating ourselves and incorporating the best of technology to provide excellent care to our patients.
(562) 503-4547 View (562) 503-4547
Photo of SFS Medical Group ,Inc, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
SFS Medical Group ,Inc
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, DNP , PMHNP, FNP
Verified Verified
Inglewood, CA 90305
My name is Fidelia Nnachetam, l am a Board Certified Nurser Practitioner and Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. I am qualified to practice both primary care and psychiatric. I diagnose, treat, and prescribe medications for children, adolescents, and adults. Some of my practice specialists: Depression, Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anxiety, ADHD, Panic Attacks and Substance Abuse. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, It is treatable by prescribing up-to-date psychiatric medications. Our treatment is via telehealth so the client can share their experiences in the comfort of their own home. We are available 7 days a week.
My name is Fidelia Nnachetam, l am a Board Certified Nurser Practitioner and Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner. I am qualified to practice both primary care and psychiatric. I diagnose, treat, and prescribe medications for children, adolescents, and adults. Some of my practice specialists: Depression, Schizophrenia, Bipolar, Anxiety, ADHD, Panic Attacks and Substance Abuse. Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of, It is treatable by prescribing up-to-date psychiatric medications. Our treatment is via telehealth so the client can share their experiences in the comfort of their own home. We are available 7 days a week.
(424) 408-8493 View (424) 408-8493
Photo of South Coast Psychiatry, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
South Coast Psychiatry
Psychiatrist, MD, MBA
Verified Verified
Costa Mesa, CA 92626
South Coast Psychiatry is a Concierge Psychiatry Outpatient Group Practice with adult psychiatrists who all offer personalized, comprehensive care to help support you and your family through every stage of life. We provide full-time administrative support, an upscale, beautiful office suite, and top-trained clinicians who can offer psychotherapy and medication management to patients with a wide variety of issues. Our clinicians are available to their patients 24/7, and our administrative team is available to our patients throughout the day. Patients thrive in our warm, caring, supportive environment.
South Coast Psychiatry is a Concierge Psychiatry Outpatient Group Practice with adult psychiatrists who all offer personalized, comprehensive care to help support you and your family through every stage of life. We provide full-time administrative support, an upscale, beautiful office suite, and top-trained clinicians who can offer psychotherapy and medication management to patients with a wide variety of issues. Our clinicians are available to their patients 24/7, and our administrative team is available to our patients throughout the day. Patients thrive in our warm, caring, supportive environment.
(714) 598-0828 View (714) 598-0828
Photo of Simon Ordonez, Physician Assistant in Temecula, CA
Simon Ordonez
Physician Assistant, PA-C
Verified Verified
San Diego, CA 92101  (Online Only)
Accepting New Patients - Pacific Mind Health treats mental health disorders using a variety of treatments including medications, Psychotherapy, Telemedicine, Spravato, and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). We strive to help create a treatment plan which will help guide you on a path to wellness. Our goal is to provide thorough diagnostic evaluations which will inform treatment choices and increase the likelihood the treatment will be successful. Please use this link for a free informational TMS session www.pacificmindhealth.com/tmsinfo.html
Accepting New Patients - Pacific Mind Health treats mental health disorders using a variety of treatments including medications, Psychotherapy, Telemedicine, Spravato, and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). We strive to help create a treatment plan which will help guide you on a path to wellness. Our goal is to provide thorough diagnostic evaluations which will inform treatment choices and increase the likelihood the treatment will be successful. Please use this link for a free informational TMS session www.pacificmindhealth.com/tmsinfo.html
(619) 350-4441 View (619) 350-4441
Photo of Dr. Terry Eagan - Anew Era TMS & Psychiatry, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Dr. Terry Eagan - Anew Era TMS & Psychiatry
Psychiatrist
Verified Verified
Newport Beach, CA 92660
*** ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS WITH A WAIT TIME OF 1 WEEK OR LESS *** Suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can be debilitating and hold you back from leading a happy and balanced life. We invite you to learn more about your treatment options to recover. Call for a Free Confidential assessment and schedule an appointment today.
*** ACCEPTING NEW PATIENTS WITH A WAIT TIME OF 1 WEEK OR LESS *** Suffering from depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions can be debilitating and hold you back from leading a happy and balanced life. We invite you to learn more about your treatment options to recover. Call for a Free Confidential assessment and schedule an appointment today.
(949) 647-4353 View (949) 647-4353
Photo of The Focus Doc, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
The Focus Doc
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Irvine, CA 92618
Dr. Dave Auluck, M.D. is a 3rd generation physician, 2nd generation psychiatrist, and physician educator. He is passionate about improving the mental health treatment experience. His mission is to ensure personalized, industry-leading, preeminent care is accessible and affordable. He has worked with thousands of patients over the years and overseen program development for tens of thousands of others. He truly understands there is no "one size fits all" approach.
Dr. Dave Auluck, M.D. is a 3rd generation physician, 2nd generation psychiatrist, and physician educator. He is passionate about improving the mental health treatment experience. His mission is to ensure personalized, industry-leading, preeminent care is accessible and affordable. He has worked with thousands of patients over the years and overseen program development for tens of thousands of others. He truly understands there is no "one size fits all" approach.
(714) 627-4927 View (714) 627-4927
Photo of Aaron Newman, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Aaron Newman
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, MSN, ARNP-BC, PMHNP
Verified Verified
5 Endorsed
Brea, CA 92821  (Online Only)
As a board certified Psychiatric Mental health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP-BC), I specialize in the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of mental health conditions for children and adults. While proficient in all mental, emotional challenges, my specialties include anxiety, stress management, depression, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and ADHD treatment. Additionally, I am also a Family Nurse Practitioner and Chiropractor, which allows me to see patients with mold illness, weight loss, hypothyroid, auto-immunity, and other metabolic complaints. I often teach my unique approach to students and providers and practice true, integrative care.
As a board certified Psychiatric Mental health Nurse Practitioner (PMHNP-BC), I specialize in the assessment, diagnosis, and treatment of mental health conditions for children and adults. While proficient in all mental, emotional challenges, my specialties include anxiety, stress management, depression, OCD, PTSD, insomnia, and ADHD treatment. Additionally, I am also a Family Nurse Practitioner and Chiropractor, which allows me to see patients with mold illness, weight loss, hypothyroid, auto-immunity, and other metabolic complaints. I often teach my unique approach to students and providers and practice true, integrative care.
(503) 751-8662 View (503) 751-8662
Photo of Brittany Cadiz, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Brittany Cadiz
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, MSN, PMHNP
Verified Verified
1 Endorsed
Anaheim, CA 92801
Are you seeking a new mental health professional? If so, I am here to assist you on your journey. I provide a safe space and emphasize personalized treatment for anyone who is struggling to manage their anxiety, depression, bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, relationship issues, and more. As a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, my approach is aim to focus on your specific needs. I am trained to provide individual supportive psychotherapy and psychiatric medication management for all psychiatric-mental health disorders.
Are you seeking a new mental health professional? If so, I am here to assist you on your journey. I provide a safe space and emphasize personalized treatment for anyone who is struggling to manage their anxiety, depression, bipolar, ADHD, PTSD, relationship issues, and more. As a Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, my approach is aim to focus on your specific needs. I am trained to provide individual supportive psychotherapy and psychiatric medication management for all psychiatric-mental health disorders.
(714) 844-5252 View (714) 844-5252
Photo of Dmitriy Shmaryan @ The Moment, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Dmitriy Shmaryan @ The Moment
Psychiatrist, DO
Not Verified Not Verified
Santa Monica, CA 90403
An individual seeking help with restoration of their body's innate ability to heal itself accomplished through the identification and resolution of barriers to optimal mental health.
An individual seeking help with restoration of their body's innate ability to heal itself accomplished through the identification and resolution of barriers to optimal mental health.
(310) 340-6273 View (310) 340-6273
Photo of Blue Life MD , Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Blue Life MD
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, MSN, PMHNP-B
Verified Verified
Pasadena, CA 91106  (Online Only)
Our treatment approach incorporates a collaboration with patients and their families to create personalized treatment plans. By utilizing evidence-based practice, optimizes recovery through efficiency of care with effective treatment plans. This approach of combining psychotherapy with psychopharmacology provides a custom made treatment plan for each individual. A space where patients feel comfortable opening up, with the knowledge that they will be heard and never judged. We believe in educating patients about all their options and helping them to find the one that works for them. You are not alone, we are here to help.
Our treatment approach incorporates a collaboration with patients and their families to create personalized treatment plans. By utilizing evidence-based practice, optimizes recovery through efficiency of care with effective treatment plans. This approach of combining psychotherapy with psychopharmacology provides a custom made treatment plan for each individual. A space where patients feel comfortable opening up, with the knowledge that they will be heard and never judged. We believe in educating patients about all their options and helping them to find the one that works for them. You are not alone, we are here to help.
(626) 263-6898 View (626) 263-6898
Photo of Joshua Flatow, Psychiatrist in Temecula, CA
Joshua Flatow
Psychiatrist, MD
Verified Verified
Manhattan Beach, CA 90266
Pacific Mind Health approaches mental health using a variety of evidence-based treatments including medication, psychotherapy, telemedicine, Spravato, and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). We are excited to offer Theta Burst Stimulation (TBS) - a revolutionary 3-minute procedure with equal or better efficacy to standard 40+ minute TMS protocols. We provide a thorough diagnostic evaluation to create a personalized treatment plan that will help guide you towards wellness. Please use this link for a free informational TMS session https://www.pacificmindhealth.com/tmsinfo.html
Pacific Mind Health approaches mental health using a variety of evidence-based treatments including medication, psychotherapy, telemedicine, Spravato, and Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS). We are excited to offer Theta Burst Stimulation (TBS) - a revolutionary 3-minute procedure with equal or better efficacy to standard 40+ minute TMS protocols. We provide a thorough diagnostic evaluation to create a personalized treatment plan that will help guide you towards wellness. Please use this link for a free informational TMS session https://www.pacificmindhealth.com/tmsinfo.html
(424) 374-3898 View (424) 374-3898
Photo of Mercy Mental Health and Services, Nursing Corp, Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner in Temecula, CA
Mercy Mental Health and Services, Nursing Corp
Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner, Master, APRN-BC, PMHNP
Verified Verified
Santa Clarita, CA 91321  (Online Only)
Greetings! I'm a dedicated and empathetic Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner with a rich background spanning over two decades in the healthcare industry. My passion for mental health and well-being has been the driving force behind my extensive career, where I've honed my skills to provide comprehensive and personalized care to individuals seeking support. I earned my advanced degree to address better the nuanced needs of those grappling with mental health challenges. My qualifications and commitment to ongoing professional development ensure that I stay abreast of the latest advancements in psychiatric care.
Greetings! I'm a dedicated and empathetic Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner with a rich background spanning over two decades in the healthcare industry. My passion for mental health and well-being has been the driving force behind my extensive career, where I've honed my skills to provide comprehensive and personalized care to individuals seeking support. I earned my advanced degree to address better the nuanced needs of those grappling with mental health challenges. My qualifications and commitment to ongoing professional development ensure that I stay abreast of the latest advancements in psychiatric care.
(661) 306-7769 View (661) 306-7769
Borderline Personality (BPD) Psychiatrists

What is the most successful approach to treating borderline personality disorder?

Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is considered the gold standard of treatment for borderline personality disorder. An evidence-based treatment, it addresses the extreme emotional reactivity, the relationship difficulties, and the acts of self-harm that create so much distress for BPD patients. DBT is a comprehensive program that includes both regular individual psychotherapy sessions and weekly group sessions of skills training.

What happens in treatment of borderline personality disorder?

Treatment typically consists of weekly individual therapy sessions that last an hour and group skill-focused instructional sessions that may last up to two hours. Patients are typically given homework “assignments” in which they are asked to practice in their daily life the skills they acquire in therapy. Patients also keep a diary tracking their emotions and impulses as a way to know which situations are most problematic and to help them gain control over their own behavior. Difficult situations and feelings are typically reviewed in therapy sessions and more constructive solutions found.

What kinds of problems does BPD treatment help with?

DBT was initially developed to dampen the self-destructive impulses of chronically suicidal patients. It is now the treatment of choice for borderline personality disorder, a serious condition marked by extreme emotional reactivity, relationship instability, and self-injurious behaviors. Treatment of BPD helps patients tolerate the flux of emotions without acting on them, often with a specific focus on tolerating negative emotions. DBT addresses the core problems of BPD—fear of abandonment, low self-esteem, and impulsivity.

What is the goal of treatment in borderline personality disorder?

The goal of treatment for borderline personality disorder (BPD) is to relieve the extreme emotional distress that patients experience—to curb their emotional reactivity, to minimize their inclination to self-harm, and to reduce their impulsivity. Toward these ends, patients are not only taught an array of new coping skills and techniques for emotional regulation, they are given opportunities to practice them. Another major goal of treatment is interpersonal effectiveness; patients learn and problem-solve ways to effectively communicate in relationships, especially how to ask for what they need as a way to minimize hurt feelings.